Motivated...

I never thought I would find myself motivated to run. Seriously. I used to be athletic in high school, and now being able to run for 60 minutes straight in a soccer game is a dream. The fact alone makes me sad. I know that I can reach that level of fitness, but it's definitely not going to occur with me sitting on my ass.

I am motivated to run now because I'm doing a 5k next month with two friends. The event will take place in South Boston, along the beach, in aid of a charity called Horizons for Homeless Children, for whom my friend Jaimie volunteers. Everyone I've talked to about the event says "Oh, three miles, that's nothing". I guess they don't understand just how unfit I am!

Admittedly, I took a good week off this month because I had a friend in town, and other things seemed more appealing then! I have only run once so far this week, because I have been "couch surfing" for the past several days, as my landlady decided to displace our house of six people to refinish the floors. It has been a huge hassle, and so inconvenient. I'm fortunate to have various friends in the area to help me out. But I will be running on Sunday without fail, as I work for 14 hours tomorrow, which is every waking hour of the day in my world.

Sunday will be my first day running for five minutes, walking for one minute. The past two weeks have been running for two, walking for four, and then running for three, walking for three. So this is progress, albeit slow.

Athletic April

So as Lady L explained- it is the month of running. I know off bat this month is not looking good, because if I were completely honest with myself, I am 1 for 3. I never failed with being a vegetarian for the month of January- and to this day I rarely eat meat. As far as crafting and meditating I did not do so hot. I mean simply looking at our numbers you can form these assumptions yourself (13-7-4). I mean thus far on the 5th day in April we are halfway to our last month. I think I meditated 4 times- not enough to write about. Enough stats- I mean it wasn't my best college class.

Running- that is a word I rarely say. I think I have said that word more the past few days than I have the entirety of my life, unless of course it was followed with 'for food'. I mean I walked the mile I was suppose to run in middle school- yes I was in the gaggle of girls chatting and walking at the back. Guess much hasn't changed. But JMo and I did force ourselves to get up early and go run at the beach this weekend. We ran 2 days in a row! Already breaking my life record of running. We are preparing for a 5k in May. While many of you may say oh 3 something miles- piece of cake. I would rather have the cake- which is probably why I am panting and nearly collapsing at 3 minutes of jogging. Our running plan has us running 30 minutes straight after 9 weeks! Clearly they do not know me- maybe they have met their match. I am running 3 minutes straight right now intermixed with walking, and by next week it should be up to 4 or 5. Baby steps.

For now I have run twice the first week, with two more to go. Having a roomate on the same schedule definitely helps, but this month will be a true test. If I make it through alive that is.

Month of the Marathon

April 19. The day after my birthday. But also the day of the 114th Boston Marathon- the oldest marathon in the world! Marathon Monday here in Boston. I hope I can have the day off, so I join the crowds on the streets, drinking beer and cheering on everyone who is way more athletic than me! There is no way I could ever do a marathon with my lack of physical activity currently. But, we can try our best to achieve some sort of goal by trying out running for the month of April.

April 1: I pondered the idea of going outside...but I never made it. At least I thought about running?? I managed to find some interesting and useful websites about beginners running though. I decided that I am going to follow this training schedule over the month and see where it takes me. Ideally, I would like to be able to run 25-30 minutes by the end of the month without stopping. Yes, I have a goal. I also bought a stop watch so I can keep track.

April 2: Again, I thought about running, but I never made it. Admittedly, I felt a little defeated. BUT I did have a follow up phone call for this research study through Brown University in which I am participating. Basically, the study is trying to figure out whether generalized online information or personalized online information regarding physical activity is more useful to get people active. I had to wear a little pedometer thing last week, and I will have to do so again at three months and six months. They are paying me $120. I think I decided to do it for other reasons though - more than the money. I was excited when the person told me that I was in the individualized fitness group. I have access to their website where I can record physical activity, ask questions to the researcher and other experts, set goals, read about places to do physical activity around Boston, etc. I think this is a good motivator.

April 3: I finally made it out! Hurray. The weather is 70 degrees and beautiful here. I went on the Minuteman Commuter Bikeway - running for 10 minutes and walking for 20, just as the training schedule said. I ended up walking an extra 10 minutes to cool down and stretch afterwards. The Bikeway goes from my nearest subway station 11 miles north west of the station. Tons of people use it to commute to work, hence the name. I feel accomplished.


I plan to run again on Monday. I hope I follow through...Jesse and I have been known to let down our crazy fitness regimes!

Silent Participation

Despite my lack of posting this month, I have been following our idea for Meditation March. I have continued to read my book and/or meditate on a close to daily basis. Sometimes my shifts at work go from 9a-11p or 10a-11p, and on these days, I find it very difficult to stay awake at night to meditate or read. However, otherwise, I have made a conscious effort to follow through.

I think I am motivated because I have read a multitude of scientific studies that show that meditation is beneficial to one's health and well-being, and I know I can only benefit if I put in the time and effort. For example, there is this article from USA Today which highlights the benefits: Mindfulness Meditation Being Used in Hospitals and Schools. And there is this article from UCLA: Mindfuless Reduces Stress, Promotes Resilience. Additionally, the book I have came with a CD, which has guided practices, so I do not feel totally lost. I have downloaded the tracks to my iPod, which provides flexibility.

At work I deal with girls who have some really troubling mental health challenges. So often I think to myself how great it would be if they were able to slow themselves down before they acted on their thoughts or feelings, and although I try so hard not to bring work feelings home with me, it's much easier said than done some days. I usually do not get home until 11:30 pm or later, and sometimes I find it tough to wind down after a crazy night. Meditation can be helpful to gather my thoughts and settle for bed, because usually I do not get to sleep until after 1 am on nights I have worked. Getting to bed later means I wake up later, and I hate to waste the next day! Mindfulness meditation is a practice which can enable individuals to strengthen their minds and bodies against mental illness, so I see this month as a preventable practice as well.

I have not been blogging about my experiences, in part because I feel like it is difficult to put mindfulness meditation and practice into words. I definitely do not feel "enlightened" or anything along those lines, but I believe that meditation could be beneficial with consistent and structured practice. It's worth a shot, if nothing else.

Something I have found useful is to think about the five senses. I randomly ask myself what do I see, hear, smell, taste and touch in a given moment. It's pretty crazy how much we just go about our daily lives and never stop to appreciate how amazing our bodies and minds can be. I think it is incredible that we are living beings with so much talent and intelligence, but we rarely take the time to consider these attributes. Maybe meditation can put us into greater sync with our mind as to how the world actually works and not how we perceive things to be? I'm not sure, but I will continue trying with this meditation gig.

I recently re-discovered StumbleUpon. It is such a genius invention. I found these useful websites in relation to meditation: Free Audio Meditations and Sounds to Promote Sleep and Relaxation

Easy Way Out

So surprise surprise, I also suck at meditation. And sadly enough that is probably not much of a surprise to most, or anyone that knows me beyond a first name. My first few days of waking up early to sit in silence succumbed to extra sleep nearly as quickly as it started. I have not yet looked into the flame of a candle or chanted any relaxation mantras. While I did not stick to my idea of a set amount of time (complete with my alarm clock), I have managed to sweak by with some ideas/stories/successes of meditation.

Normally I steer clear of gyms and exercise in general...I typically break out in hives. And while I did just join a gym, I have yet to go for the month of March (what a waste of money). So anything related with working out usually elicits a frown. The idea of yoga especially so, because you can't talk and you don't even break a sweat to feel like to achieved something. But I have done yoga at work twice this month! Earth-shattering -- I know. I have relaxed and left the stress outside the room for the half hour. While I do not notice a long lasting change, it has not been a horrible experience. And of course I get to be the butt of some jokes at work.

What is one thing girls love a lot? (Mind out of gutter please) Massages. Well since I am your most untypical girl, it should not be a shock that I have never had a professional massage. I just have always felt they were a waste of money. Boy was I wrong. I had one this week and it was one of the most relaxing experiences ever. I have been sold. I know this is the easy way out to count this as meditation, but give me a little break?

The past week, I have had the privilege of being in Mexico City with a group of friends, painting and working in an orphanage. I love Mexico City so much (I may start referring to it as my second home), and this week I got to experience something I hadn't the last time. We went to the Aztec pyramids and climbed to the top. I didn't get too much alone time as I was with a bunch of loud people, but I did get some time to marvel in the beauty while at the top. In between gasps for breath, I was able to see for miles and miles from top of the ancient pyramid. Something about being that high and seeing for so far just makes me feel closer to that which is bigger than life. I felt so connected to something bigger- what a way to put life into perspective.

I'm pretty sure I will not get to climb another Pyramid of the Sun this month, but I am going to morph my meditation into a time of introspection. A time to sit and reflect, journal, and pray.

Ignore the Madness...

As I mentioned, I work in a mental health facility with teenage girls. My days at work are incredibly hectic and very stressful. When I talked with a friend last month about ideas for this month's challenge, she suggested meditation. I think meditation has some strange stigma...I know initially the image of some monk sitting Indian style with his hands on his knees humming comes to mind. I took a Mindfulness Meditation class my final semester in college. Admittedly, I did not meditate nearly as much as I was supposed to outside of the class, but I enjoyed it, and it certainly opened the door for further exploration. Some of my girls at work use meditation as their "self-control strategy", which is meant to help them when they feel an adverse emotion. I know that meditation can have awesome effects, and I am more than willing to give it a try. Unlike our failure of artisans last month, I think this month could have a very positive effect on my life, but I have to stick to it. After our February failure, I feel that I need to recommit to this idea, so I'm going to try much harder this March.

Yesterday, I tried to find some books about meditation at my local library. I could not find any with guided CDs that were available. But I saved a book I used in the meditation class because of my interest in mental health issues and psychology in general. Last night I took some time to read the introduction of The Mindful Way Through Depression, which I never did while in my actual class. The introduction talks about using meditation to cultivate patience and acceptance of one's thoughts and feelings. In the class, the professor used to have us imagine our thoughts and feelings as leaves floating down a river. We did not have to catch those leaves and examine them, we could just let them float by. It reminds me of the concept of "This, too, shall pass" when facing something unpleasant in life. Meditation is actually used as a medical intervention in the form of MBSR (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction) for pain, chronic illness and stress. Research has shown that meditation can change the pattern of brain activity, too.

I'm not entirely sure how I want to structure this month of meditation. At the very least, I want to read this book in full, as I never did before. I think I will have to start meditation on some sort of schedule, too.

In the meantime, on the last day of our meditation class, our professor sent us the following email. I think the story that is mentioned highlights the basic nature of meditation...

When Jack Kornfield (an American Psychologist who spent a lot of time in Southeast Asia) was returning to America, he met with an elderly monk who had been living in the US and asked him if he had any advice for him as he came back to the West. "Only one thing, said the monk. When your running to catch the subway and you see it leaving without you, don't panic, just remember, There's always another train." It took me a while to appreciate how applicable this comment was to emotional situations that seemed to bear no resemblance to catching a train. The monk did not suggest indifference to the subway leaving the station, but he pointed to where control is possible. "Don't panic and go running after it, he suggested. Rather than letting disappointment turn into anxiety or self-pity, learn to see the disappointment clearly while restraining the action. Stay with the original feeling longer. Cultivate patience." "There's always another train," became a metaphor for me for how resistant I was to enduring frustration...I found that I did not have to go running after every lost opportunity. In fact, I discovered an important, if latent, capacity. I could wait.

Meditation March

So there it is- I gave it away right off the bat. We are doing meditation for the month of March. While some may think this is boring and will not elicit many funny blogs- I will make it my month goal to prove you wrong (so I don't want to hear it- haters). So I have been meditating for the past 3 mornings, for 10 minutes a morning. I actually despise waking up 10 minutes earlier at this point, but hopefully once I find the benefits of meditating I will gladly wake up.

By meditating, I don't really know what that means yet. I sit in one room of the house, where the door actually shuts, so Mannie does not come and drool on me (she pees on JMo and drools on me- I guess I got the better end). I just set my alarm for 10 minutes and sit there with my eyes closed. Today I actually focused on breathing in and out (tough I know) and one sentence. When the alarm when off and scared me to death, I realized I was thinking about something completely different. At least on Day 3 I was thinking about something when the alarm went off instead of thinking I fell asleep. Maybe I will get the hang of meditation.

Epic Fail

So I bet you all have missed me terribly and you are probably wondering what sort of things I have accomplished since I have last written. On my list of left-to-do, I had 6 pillows to make and a cross stitch to finish. Well if you noticed the title I bet you could guess that I have done nothing since the last blog. (Not going to call anyone out- but I do not think I am alone in this epic fail). By nothing I mean I haven't touched anything- I don't even know where my pillow fabric is anymore. (Joshua- I will try to finish this cross stitch before you outgrow your crib). You maybe wondering why I am such a slacker, and for that I am glad because I am going to tell you.

I guess I will go ahead and get this one out of the way- I have been busy (story of every one's life right). But I thoroughly enjoyed my weekend with all my girls from Wake. And I secretly love staying busy (maybe its not so much of a secret). I just managed to make my schedule busy with things far from crafting.

The main reason I failed is my inability to do anything I don't love. This has roots deep into my childhood. The sheer list of everything I have tried would blow your mind. I have tried every sport- from gymnastics to basketball (where I scored my first basket in my second season championship game...I got a standing ovation- embarrassing). I have tried singing in public- to which my mom told me I should never do that again. I have tried to learn the fiddle- I got bored. I tried to learn all the presidents for 20 bucks from my papa, and I gave up. I have even tried making bread- my supportive dad actually bought me a bread machine (who knows why), and I think I made 1 loaf in my lifetime. I even tried Biology in college and barely passed because I didn't study or do homework.

While the reverse of this is also true- the things I love I do well and put everything into. I will not bore you with the giant list of all that I do well, just know it is much longer than the previous (with modesty being on there of course). But it is also bad news that I cannot stick to a month of something if I don't like it. Lets hope I like the next 10 months. I guess this blog will have more impacts in my life than I thought it would- hopefully it will make me better at sticking to things. Even though it did fail in February. I will not let this slack happen again (lets hope that wasn't a white lie). So you can start looking forward to many more posts and exciting events to happen in March.

Are we there yet?

I apologize if my blogs are getting less and less creative. I have drained all my creativity on cards- gag. Alright so I have quickly remembered why I never stuck with any craft ever...I get so bored. I had intentions to make around 15 Valentines Day cards. So it is a couple days after the big day and I am still mailing a few cards, and I also only made 9. I apologize if you were expecting one- it does not mean I did not think of you-- rather it means I saved you from an off-centered card. I feel that crafting to me is not relaxing or fun, rather it is stressful and seems like work. I love being creative and think I have a good imagination but when the rubber hits the road- I fall short every time. I have a partially done cross stitch and a TON of leftover Valentines Day paper to show for my efforts- depressing if you ask me.

So above you see a selection of cards (you also have to turn your head 90 degrees to the right, or your computer 90 degrees to the left to see the cards right side up). I also apologize about this-- blogger was not being cooperative, or maybe it was the other way around.

I am moving to something different this week- sewing pillows. (I know this week has already started-- yet I first have to learn how to actually sew) Whoa I know- I mean if I cannot manage cards out of paper, how can I cover pillows? At least if all else fails, I know JMo can and will make the pillows, in 20 minutes flat. So I will have a picture of a pillow and you will have to guess who made it. Should be relatively easy to tell the difference.

This month so far has been more of a pain than it has been fun, interesting, or enlightening. I am not crafty, so making myself do this was similar to making myself write papers in college. Something I did begrudgingly 3 hours before due. Since there are not really due dates for crafting, just self-imposed expectations, this will likely not be my shining month. I mean we all know that discipline is not a strong point of mine.

Flat Packed Furniture

So, admittedly, I have been slacking on my precious paint by number. I have made progress, but even after hours of work, it does not look like progress on the canvas! I am determined to finish it, but I doubt that will happen by the end of the month. Here is proof that this paint by number is not for a three year old...


I have been back to my knitting though. It is much easier to keep up with it, because I can take it to work and make progress when the kids sleep (if that happens on my shift..). My roommate taught me how to combine the next ball of yarn, and it's coming together well. Hopefully I will finish with some extra yarn to make another project. :)

Does putting together furniture count as being an artisan?? Because if so, I definitely caught up on hours yesterday! Good lord. I went to the amazing Ikea with my roommate, because he needed furniture. He lives in this awesome loft in our house, with tons of space, but he has been neglecting the space without any furniture. So, we descended on Ikea yesterday...five hours, an encounter with a drugged up employee named Jeff, $1200, multiple curse words, and many trips around the store later, we left with a sofa, two bedside tables, an easy chair, an ottoman and a tv stand. We arrived home around 7:30 last night and put together furniture until 10 pm for a dinner break. We continued until 12:30 this morning. We put together everything but the sofa and the easy chair (which is arriving today). I'm excited for him because it's going to look incredible when it's all done. I think I have had enough of Ikea for quite some time.

My exhaustion and delierum was demonstrated by our quest for Starbucks on the way home. We used my GPS to find the nearest Starbucks, but when we arrived at our destination, we realized it was Starbucks inside a Target store. This was not your average Target. There was a parking garage below the Target, and escalators to the shopping floor once you enter. There was even an escalator for your shopping cart! Anyway, we were in desperate need of caffeine, and I was not fully coherent. I saw an escalator and walked towards it, but suddenly I noticed I was not moving anywhere. Of course, I had tried to up the down escalator. It was quite the sight. I quickly ran to the proper escalator while dying of laughter, and I'm sure other people were wondering what the hell had happened to me. Oh, wait, I had spent five hours in Ikea...